...for it leaves you enthralled in a prelapsarian
bliss.
There is a sensation that
stirs inside of you that is simply irreplaceable for anticipation grants your
imagination absolute control over your body. It is incredible to experience the
power your mind has over your physical form. You imagine your fears and
insecurities. In this process, you truly feel them. These quixotic scenarios
plague your body with frissons and qualms. Anxiety begets stress. Though these
feelings bring about connotations of the negative variety for most, I interpret
them in a very different way. For me, stress causes superlative
awareness. It is a reckoning that makes me feel undoubtedly vibrant. Moments of panic make the body
experience a height of animation; heart pounding, senses vivid and mind racing.
The ways in which adrenaline chemically manipulate my physiological capacity to
engage is a glorious recognition of life; exhilaration at its finest.
While anticipation may be marked
by sleepless evenings, it also possesses the potential for days filled with
dreaming. There is a lovely joy in the fecundity of jocose flight of fancies;
endlessly creating the possibilities of the future. I sigh at the thought of it
as I write these words.
In these days of waiting,
the myopic nature of the future causes a disconnect with the present. I do not
mourn this detachment, for there is a relationship with the present that may
only be experienced when you have neglected it for some time. Although my engagement with the
present becomes wanton, I intend on experiencing it to the height of its
capacity when I am there. For I know that when the day I have been waiting for
arrives, I will be stilled. I know that in an instant, I will become so
enthralled with my environment that I will enjoy a consciousness unlike any
other. I will be reacquainting myself with the present.
It has missed me. It
embraces me with a fondness and offers to me all that I have been dismissing:
absolute immersion with the moment.
To hang on each instant.
To absorb all it can
offer.
It will instill in me all
the beautiful joys it possesses.
It is waiting for me. In contrast, as per all those who endure
anticipation, I just can’t wait!
-Ashley
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